Last week I was the guest curator for Huffington Post Parents’ list of ‘Funniest Parenting Tweets’ so I didn’t post any tweets on my blog here. But we’re back with another list this week. (If you want to read my list for HuffPostParents from last week, click here.)
As always, I hope you not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy:
3yo: Mommy why do you vacuum so much? *drops entire bowl of Goldfish on the floor. Steps on them. Me: 3yo: Me: 3yo: Whoops.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2014
“Daddy it’s more morning now than it was before when I woke you up.” -my 4yr old is so cute & also a jerk for waking me up so early – twice
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 8, 2014
It’s kind of scary that I’m responsible for three small people and yet I can’t find the Enter button on the remote control.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 9, 2014
Hot coffee annoys me…. Years of parenting has just conditioned me to like it warmish.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 11, 2014
The symbol for parenthood should be a parent carrying their child while pushing an empty stroller.
— Nate Bargatze (@natebargatze) November 12, 2014
‘If you feed them, they’ll just keep coming back for more’ applies to stray animals as well as children and husbands.
— Linda in Disguise (@LindaInDisguise) November 9, 2014
Nothing like waking up to your 7yo son playing basketball in your bedroom at [7:30] AM. Relaxing.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) November 15, 2014
And here’s a shameless attempt to promote some of my own tweets from this week too:
If a bare ass is what it takes to break the internet, I’ve completely underestimated my kids’ plot to break everything around them.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 13, 2014
Is it called a high chair because of its height or because my toddler acts like he’s on drugs in a restaurant? I can’t tell.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 12, 2014
My kids could never be in a Fight Club. If one of them raises an eyebrow wrong everyone rushes to tell me about it.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 10, 2014
People who say don’t sweat the small stuff must have never tried to pick up a thousand goldfish crumbs from between the couch cushions.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 9, 2014