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Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week, Sept. 20, 2014

by Chris Cate

I read so many hilarious parenting tweets on Twitter that I thought I should start sharing some of them here. Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same crazy adventures as you. I hope you’ll not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy!

Made the kid turn off the tv so he got angry and put himself down for a nap. Parenting level – expert.

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) September 17, 2014

I wish I could get as emotional about anything as my 5-year-old does about choosing between mac & cheese and a hamburger for dinner. — Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) September 17, 2014

In case you thought I wasn’t strict about nutrition, I just had to tell my toddler not to fill up on Chapstick before breakfast.

— HollowTreeVentures (@RobynHTV) September 17, 2014

 

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: baby, toddler

Forget Everything You Know: An Introduction to 3-4 Year Old Soccer

by Chris Cate

IMG_3330

When my three-year-old daughter and I had our first soccer practice (technically it was just her practice but she insisted that I be a full participant too), I didn’t realize how unprepared she was for her first “organized” sport. My homeschool coaching attempts in the weeks preceding her practice focused on kicking, running and making sure she was aware of the financial flexibility a soccer scholarship could provide us. But I should have been teaching her so much less.

The best soccer lesson you can apparently give a three-year-old is to forget everything you know, at least from kickoff until the coolers are ransacked for juice boxes and orange slices. Soccer fields are where the best laid plans to shield children from loss, thieves and kicks to the shin are transformed into a fleeting hope that nobody gets hurt.

In lieu of treating others how you want to be treated and other traditional parenting lessons, here is what your son or daughter needs to know when stepping on the soccer field:

1. Stealing is encouraged.

The golden rule is not in the soccer rulebook. If you pass the ball to your opponent, they will not pass it back. In fact, they will try to take the ball from you whether you want to give it to them or not.

The best defense for defense is better defense. Take the ball from the other team and never share it with them. Treat them exactly how you have always wanted to treat your siblings.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: toddler

You Know You Want to Go to Sleep: The First Theme Park for Parents

by Chris Cate

themepark

Have you ever been eating breakfast, waiting in line at the grocery store or driving a long distance and thought to yourself, “I wonder how long I’ve been asleep?” If so, you need more coffee and somebody who can share driving duties. But more pertinent to this post, you need Sleep.

What’s Sleep? Good question. Few parents know anything about Sleep, not only because it’s hard to get to, but because it’s the theme park I daydream about for parents.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week, Sept.13, 2014

by Chris Cate

I read so many hilarious parenting tweets on Twitter that I thought I should start sharing some of them here. Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same crazy adventures as you. I hope you’ll not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy!

“Oh, that shirt had buttons.”–me, at bath time right after I pull my kid’s head off

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014

3yo: “DADDY!! Come here! We’re not shaking our naked butts on the stairs!” SPOILER ALERT: They were. — ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) September 8, 2014

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. #mommylife #mommyproblems #toddlerlife

— Jennifer Taylor (@momtricksblog) September 10, 2014

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Uncategorized

If Toddlers Ruled the World…

by Chris Cate

earth2

Thankfully, mommas make sure toddlers don’t rule the world. But if toddlers did rule the world…

  1. Stairs would be replaced with slides.
  2. The 5-second rule would be extended to 5 days.
  3. We would all live in tent cities.
  4. Every book would be declared a coloring book.
  5. Restaurants would have signs that read, “No Shirt, No Shoes, Service!”
  6. Animal sounds would become an acceptable, if not preferable, form of human communication.
  7. Clothing would be optional.
  8. Snacks would be served 24 hours a day and dessert would be considered a healthy alternative to breakfast, lunch, dinner and second dinner, which would be the most important meal of the day.
  9. Naps would be banned and only free sleep (the act of naturally falling asleep, such as comfortably in a car seat or face down in a cereal bowl) would be permissible, though still frowned upon.
  10. Everyone would get a special treat for going potty on the toilet or in a diaper.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: toddler

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