Chris Cate, Author at The ParentNormal

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week, Oct. 25, 2014

Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same absurd adventures as you. I hope you not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy:

I taught my toddler how to put me into time out and I’m basically the smartest parent on the planet.

— Courtney Christine (@Discourt) October 19, 2014

HOLDEN: I’m sick because I want to watch TV. As long as we’re being honest… ME: I’m letting you watch because I need an F’ing break.

— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) October 20, 2014

At a parent–teacher conference for my oldest. At what point do I stop worrying if the teacher likes me and knows that I’m smart?

— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) October 22, 2014

[Read more…]

An Open Letter to My Kindergartener’s “Boyfriend”

by Chris Cate

Today my five-year-old daughter informed me she has a boyfriend and that this hooligan (my words, not hers) is you. Before you try to tell me you didn’t know that you were her boyfriend, you can rest assured that I presumed that to be the case. Nobody would be so foolish as to court my daughter without asking for my permission first, right?

In my estimation, a gaggle of kindergarten girls must have sensed an imbalance in the ratio of princesses to princes on the playground and made a multitude of pairings for each other without the consultation of their counterparts. Your best attribute was probably your proximity to the swing set where the girls were planning their Frozen reenactment, so you can stop trying to high-five whoever is reading you this letter.

Regardless of whether you were complicit in this scheme, and I hope for your sake that you were not, it is necessary for me to put you on notice of the following:

[Read more…]

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week, Oct. 18, 2014

by Chris Cate

I don’t care if my child ever makes the honor roll. I’ll be happy if he just figures out how to use ChapStick. It’s not a food group, kid.

— That’s Parenting (@ThatsParenting) October 13, 2014

Of course our parents don’t understand what’s so hard about raising children. 95% of the methods they used to raise us are illegal now. — carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) October 15, 2014

There are two types of people in this world: people who get a good night’s sleep and parents.

— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) October 16, 2014

[Read more…]

An Interview with Jay (Great) Gatsby Biographer Nick Carraway on Parenting

by Chris Cate

Nick, we mostly know you from your time spent with Jay Gatsby in West Egg, but few people are aware of your life after West Egg as a family man with four young kids in the Midwest. How would you describe your life now as a parent?

There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired.

It sounds like you have your hands full. Do you ever feel like being a parent is too much to handle?

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

By the sound of it, you must be dealing with a house full of sick kids.

It occurred to me that there was no difference between men, in intelligence or race, so profound as the difference between the sick and the well.

[Read more…]

Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week, Oct. 11, 2014

by Chris Cate

Memento, but w a toddler, and no amnesia disease either, because toddlers instantly forget whatever they were just screaming about anyway.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 9, 2014

Tonight we will be having “That looks kinda yucky,” with “How many bites do I have to take?” on the side. — Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) October 6, 2014

Pro tip: If one of my kids says “close your eyes and open your mouth”, you should never, ever do it.

— Mommyland Rants (@mommylandrants) October 5, 2014

[Read more…]

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