Your Home for Close Encounters of the Baby, Toddler & Elementary Kind
SPROUTS, DELAWARE – According to at least one eyewitness report, a baby called the home of his great grandmother yesterday morning using only a calculator. The baby, eleven-month-old Sebastian Humphrey, reportedly mumbled with great conviction throughout the 25 minute call. Most remarkably, however, is that Sebastian’s great grandmother answered the call using a television remote control.
I read so many hilarious parenting tweets on Twitter that I thought I should start sharing some of them here. Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same crazy adventures as you. I hope you’ll not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy!
Parenting is stressful because when kids are loud, they’re annoying and when they’re quiet, they might be about to lose a limb or eyeball.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 1, 2014
I scream You scream We all scream Because I have kids and that’s the only way we can hear each other over them. — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 29, 2014
Do you like toys? Then McDonald’s is the only choice! – my 4yo trying to convince his brother where we should go for dinner
— Father with Twins (@FatherWithTwins) October 3, 2014
This week, B.J. Novak of The Office fame released a children’s book with no pictures. The book is appropriately titled The Book With No Pictures, and it’s a fresh take on a genre of books that hasn’t seen much innovation since the pop-up.
A children’s book with no pictures sounds impossible. But if the book trailer is any indication, it’s not only possible, it’s really hysterical to kids. The joke is that the reader must read what’s in the book, forcing him or her to say such childishly funny lines as, “My only friend in the whole world is a hippo named Boo-Boo Butt.”
Like any children’s book, it may become tiresome after a few readings, but at least it’s something different and unexpected. In fact, here are 10 things I wrongfully thought would happen before a children’s book with no pictures existed:
We all enjoy celebrating baby and toddler milestones such as eating solid food (without spitting it back out), using the potty (without having an accident immediately beforehand) and sleeping through the night (without kicking a nearby parent in the groin). But we rarely celebrate parenting milestones with the same fanfare.
If any milestone is deserving of a page in a scrapbook, it’s the first time a parent sleeps for more than seven consecutive hours, whether that happens at night in a bed or face down in an office. So why aren’t we celebrating such achievements? The first time you use the bathroom without interruption should be photographed and showcased as your Facebook profile picture. The best day of your life isn’t your wedding day anymore, it’s the day your kids went to sleep before 9:00 p.m. Celebrate!
Not all parenting milestones deserve a parade or even a golf clap, but no milestone should break a parent down to tears. Happy tears are usually appropriate, and every parent can sympathize with someone having a cathartic cry about the collective stress of parenting. But much like tripping over your feet on the sidewalk, even the most frustrating things can be quite funny. So why not celebrate the frustrating milestones too with at least a chuckle if not a full belly laugh?
Consider these 10 parenting milestones and why they should make you laugh instead of cry.
I read so many hilarious parenting tweets on Twitter that I thought I should start sharing some of them here. Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same crazy adventures as you. I hope you’ll not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy!
Today, in Toddler Court: Judge: The plaintiff says you broke the corner off his cracker. Me: Yes. Judge: *bangs gavel* Life without parole.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) September 23, 2014
Thinking of opening a sleep school because those that can, do, and those that can’t, teach.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) September 24, 2014
I ensure my family eats a well-balanced diet by changing up our pizza toppings.
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) September 22, 2014
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