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13 Things You Can and Can’t Say to Any Baby

by Chris Cate

Colt 570Appropriate: You’re getting so big.
Inappropriate: You’re getting so big that you should probably cut down on the banana slices.

Appropriate: Can you say hi?
Inappropriate: Can you say anything? A warning would be nice before you spit up next time.

Appropriate: Peek-a-boo!
Inappropriate: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I knew that would scare you awake.

Appropriate: Who’s ticklish?
Inappropriate: I hope you’re not laughing because you’re pooping.

Appropriate: Your tiny feet are so cute.
Inappropriate: You’re not fooling anybody with those socks that are supposed to look like shoes.

Appropriate: Can I hold you?
Inappropriate: Can I hold you until you get hungry, sleepy or need to be changed?

Appropriate: Where’s your nose?
Inappropriate: Where’s your nose? Can you not smell yourself? Whew.

Appropriate: You’ll be walking soon.
Inappropriate: You’ll be walking soon, because I’m not carrying you.

Appropriate: Your skin is so soft.
Inappropriate: Your skin is so soft. Are your parents leaving you in the bathtub too long?

Appropriate: You look just like your mommy and daddy.
Inappropriate: You look just like your mommy and daddy. You should relax more and try to look your age.

Appropriate: Shake my finger.
Inappropriate: Pull my finger.

Appropriate: What’s your name?
Inappropriate: Whoever gave you that shirt with your name on it has put you at serious risk of identity theft.

Appropriate: I love your silky smooth hair.
Inappropriate: You have the same haircut as my bald grandfather.

 

Filed Under: Lists Tagged With: baby

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3x Dad. Words in Wash Post, Reader’s Digest, McSweeneys, more. Email or DM me for collaborations. chris@parentnormal.com. My new Etsy shop ⬇️

Chris Cate
Instagram post 17957263738401393 Exactly. Who do I think I am on vacation? 😂⠀
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Instagram post 17894218348844538 It’s because grocery stores became cool, right? Right? 😅
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Instagram post 18071480842260826 Kids are such humble helpers. 🤥
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
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