- There’s no such thing as a “quick trip” to the grocery store.
- A grocery cart with a racecar frame is the fastest cart to give your kids the flu.
- The free cookie in the bakery is a gateway drug that makes your kids think everything in the store is delicious and free.
- Toddlers can miss their mouth with a chicken nugget four out of five times, but they can throw a sock in the lobster tank from 15 feet away on their first try.
- Every aisle is the candy aisle to a toddler.
- Frozen foods are like kids in Facebook photos: they look better than they really are.
- Nobody under 10 years old can keep a promise to not run a grocery cart over your heel.
- Strangers who stop to say your kids are cute didn’t see them knock over the store display.
- Your first trip of the day to a grocery store is just a practice run for the return trip you’ll need to make later in the day.
- Toddlers can figure out how to remove themselves from a shopping cart faster than Harry Houdini.
- More than ninety percent of veggies bought with good intentions are scraped into sinks, trashcans and dogs’ mouths.
- A free sample is still big enough to make you have to change your kids’ clothes when they inevitably spill it.
- The freezer section isn’t as cold as the look your toddler will give you for not buying them ice cream.
- Similar to how you want to check fruit for bruises, toddlers want to check the aerodynamics of glass jars.
- Kids can’t taste the difference, but they can recognize the box of a generic brand and know how long a tantrum must last before you switch to the brand with popular cartoon characters.
- If you are in a hurry, a toddler will make you take them to the bathroom where they will decide that they don’t really have to go because the thought of hearing a public toilet flush is terrorizing.
- The express checkout is not a reward for your kids opening 10 items or less that you hadn’t bought yet.
- You can buy a lottery ticket, but the bigger gamble is thinking the extra minute it takes to buy the ticket isn’t enough time for your kids to knock down another store display.
- Toddlers only want to hold their parent’s hands in a grocery store parking lot with both of their feet kicking in the air.
- Out of the $200 worth of groceries you ultimately get, milk was the only item you intended to buy.
