The ParentNormal

Your Home for Close Encounters of the Baby, Toddler & Elementary Kind

  • ***Start Here***
  • Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast
    • Breaking Down Parenting Blog Posts
  • The ParentNormal Activity Book Series
  • Contact

ParentNormal News: Baby Breaks Record for Consecutive Hours of Crying While Attempting to Break Record for Months without Sleep

by Chris Cate

cryingbabyincrib

OLD HARBOUR, NEW ZEALAND – When five-month-old Baby Sheila Wultz reluctantly fell asleep this afternoon, her lifelong dream to break the world record for consecutive months without sleep ended one month shy of the six she needed. Despite her failure, she unexpectedly became a world record holder of a different kind. Three hours before falling asleep, Baby Sheila broke the record for consecutive hours of crying at four months, three days, one hour. Only a yawn prevented her crying streak from continuing longer.

“What?” shouted Margie Wultz, Baby Sheila’s mother. “I can’t hear you. I became so used to hearing the cries of my daughter that it has made the sound of silence deafening. All I hear is humming, like the hum after a heavy metal concert where you are forced to stand directly in front of the speakers to avoid the mosh pit, but worse. Much, much, migraine worse.”

Family members predict Baby Sheila hasn’t given up her dream of staying awake and will begin crying again soon, both in frustration for falling asleep during her first record attempt and because it is a crucial part of her strategy.

“The record for crying isn’t any consolation for Baby Sheila,” said Auntie Wultz. “Right now, she is dreaming of not dreaming. Crying is nothing more than a way to keep her dream of not dreaming alive.”

In addition to the mental and physical obstacles Baby Sheila must overcome to stay awake, concerns have been raised about the judges’ ability to track her progress. Several judges have already been seen banging their heads with frying pans in a corner of the Wultz’s basement. Few believe they will be able to continue their work much longer.

“The only thing keeping me here is the economy,” said one judge when his mumbling was still decipherable. “I would take any job I was offered to get me out of this house, no matter how low the pay.”

Baby Sheila’s biggest competition for the sleepless months record isn’t far from home. Her brother, Bloke Wultz, is already two-months into his latest attempt at the six month record. His last attempt lasted a modest three months, but he’s two years old now and more strong-willed than ever before.

“I don’t know whether to criticize or commend those parents,” said a stranger who recently sat near the family in a restaurant and watched them in dismay. “I’m just glad the crying will stop when I leave.”

# # #

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: baby

Listen on Apple Podcasts

FacebookInstagramTwitter Pinterest

parentnormal

3x Dad. Words in Wash Post, Reader’s Digest, McSweeneys, more. Email or DM me for collaborations. chris@parentnormal.com. My new Etsy shop ⬇️

Chris Cate
Instagram post 17897805490747612 I’m still waiting. 😂😂😂
.
Credit @cynicalparent 
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Instagram post 17873766104123320 How is it still just as hard today as it was on day one of online classes? 🤦‍♂️
.
Credit @letmemomsplain 
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #coronavirusmemes #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #socialdistance #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #selfquarantine #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #quarantinememes #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #quarantined #tiredasamother #socialdistancing #coronamemes
Instagram post 17901564829675246 Truth. 💯💯
.
Credit @snarkybreeders 
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Instagram post 18189114073023350 For the last several weeks I’ve been watching countless YouTube tutorials and studying everything I can find about making tee shirts to sell. And I’m finally up and running with my own Etsy shop for parents now. 
.
These are a few of my first shirts and I plan to be making many more. I hope you’ll check out my shop using the link in my bio. I’d love to know what you think. Thanks!
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #etsyshirtshop #etsygift #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #momclothes #etsyusa #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #marriedlife #parentinghumor #etsyfinds #parentingfail #parentingmemes #etsysale #funnymemesdaily #etsymom #momshirt #funnymomshirt #funnydadshirt #etsyshirt
Instagram post 17910599875600264 Such a hot look. 😂😂
.
Credit @dad.wilder 
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Instagram post 17864420906299387 Truth. 💯
.
Credit @fruitsofmotherhood 
.
.
.

#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Get a Free Copy of The ParentNormal Crash Course

* indicates required



Tweets by @ParentNormal

2 ParentNormal Books Now Available!

The ParentNormal Crash Course is three crash courses of parenting humor in one that feature hilarious parenting warnings about the daily grind of parenthood. Get it now on Amazon.

Perfect Parenting is the parenting book with the fewest words but most important lesson: You aren’t going to be a perfect parent. Get it now on Amazon.

Recent Posts

  • How to Build a Fanbase on Instagram and TikTok: Family Style with Anna Macfarlane
  • A Bridge to Healthy and Honest Meals
  • The Cost of Parenthood with Mike Julianelle
  • National Oreo Cookie Day!
  • Life as a Teen Mom with Sara Buckley

Categories

  • Blog
  • Breaking Down Parenting
  • Entertainment
  • Lists
  • MasterClass
  • Parenting Fails
  • ParentNormal Interviews
  • ParentNormal Mailbag
  • ParentNormal News
  • Perfect Parenting
  • Sponsored Content
  • The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast
  • The ParentNormal Crash Course
  • Uncategorized
  • Video

Copyright © 2021 · Metro Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in